The Fragile
by Redpixie55
Summary: Kind of a album fic rather than a song fic. Uses most of the songs from NIN: The Fragile. This is just the first version, and there will be a rewrite, also with extra chapters added. I just wanted to know what people thoughth of the idea.
1. Hurt

Greg/Nick slash songfic. Set to NIN song hurt. Angsty. May go on for more than one chapter if I can find a song I love to go with it. Right, I just thought of one. There will be two chapters. Oooh… another one. Three chapters.

Also, plain text is normal writing, _italics are lyrics, _**bold is Greg's thoughts. **I don't really like doing them bold, but that's the only way I can think of to do it.

Greg looked at his CDs, and then at the empty space next to them. It was only a small empty space, but it was Nick's space. Nick's CDs had been there. And Greg had honestly hated them, but they were Nick's, and he loved Nick. So they were there. But now they were gone, and so was Nick.

And Nick had left an empty space in his heat much bigger than where his CDs had been. Greg felt completely numb.

Greg picked up a CD. Nine Inch Nails. Perfect. He smiled slightly, but it was a bitter smile. There was nothing to make you feel better and worse at the same time than a bit of Nine Inch Nails.

He knew what track he wanted. It wasn't a particularly typical one of NIN, but it was just perfect for this situation.

_I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel_

**I do. I feel so much. So much loss and sadness. This is where you left me. I don't smile. I don't laugh. Because every time I do, it reminds me of you.**

_  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real_

**Pain is the only thing you left me with. I don't sleep. I don't eat. I can't do anything without you. Because everything I do reminds me of you.**

_  
The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting_

**The old familiar sting. But not this time, because every time you left I knew you'd come back. But now you're back in Dallas. And I don't even know how to deal with it. **

_  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything_

**Kill it away. That's a good idea. But I can't.**

Greg stood up from where he had been sat leaning against the wall and wandered into the kitchen. He got a beer out the fridge and picked up the ashtray. He walked back into the living room and slid down the wall slowly to the floor again.__

What have I become?  
My sweetest friend

**If only you could see me now. See what you've made me become. I'm sat here drinking and smoking. And I'm not going to stop until I pass out. Because of you.**

_  
Everyone I know  
Goes away in the end_

**Maybe I really am depressing. Sara won't talk to me anymore. Catherine tried to help, but the only person who can help me is you, Nicky. Why did you go?**

_  
You could have it all  
My empire of dirt_

**I would have given it all to you. Everything I had, everything I would ever have. I would have given you my life Nicky, if you were only here to take it.**

_  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

**Because that's what I do. I can't help it. I don't know what I do, but I must do something wrong.**

_  
I wear this crown of shit  
Upon my liar's chair  
Full of broken thoughts  
I cannot repair_

**I lie and I force myself through life, wearing a mask. And I never open up and let people see how I feel, because if I did I would die Nicky. I messed up. And I can't do anything about it.**

_  
Beneath the stains of time  
The feelings disappear  
You are someone else  
I am still right here_

**Maybe the feelings do disappear for you. They don't for me. Six months now. And I **_**am**_** still right here. Drinking myself to sleep every night.**__

What have I become?  
My sweetest friend

**What have I become? I'm on my final warning at work. For being late, not turning up, turning up drunk of off my face on coke or something. Did I mention that? I've tried everything to get over you.**

_  
Everyone I know  
Goes away in the end_

**And if I lose my job, where will I be then? I'll have no friends. There's the guy I buy coke off down the road I guess. I got a DB next door to me last week. I wish it could have been me that the psycho stabbed. Because without you I'm nothing.**__

You could have it all  
My empire of dirt

**And that's all I have now, dirt. Complete shit. But I'd still give everything to you. I'd give you my life, if only you'd take it. Please take it. In the literal sense, not the romantic one. I can't live without you.**

_  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

**Because I can't help myself and I can't stop myself.**

_  
If I could start again  
A million miles away  
I would keep myself  
I would find a way_

**Because without you I'm nothing and I never will be.**

Greg couldn't stop the tears. He lit another cigarette and opened another beer. He couldn't live without Nick.


	2. Your Big Come Down

Nick POV

Nick opened up an unlabelled CD case. The CD inside didn't have anything on it. He put it in the CD player.

Something of Greg's. He didn't know why he had it, but it had ended up with his things.

He was about to turn it off when he heard the lyrics. They were just him and Greg in song, really.

_there is a game I play  
try to make myself okay_

**I try to pretend I did it for a reason that wasn't selfish.**

_  
try so hard to make the pieces all fit  
smash it apart  
just for the fuck of it_

**Because I could just watch you carry on without me, I had to stop knowing you.**__

bye bye oooh  
got to get back to the bottom

**Where I can forget about what I felt for you.**_  
bye bye oooh  
the big come down isn't that what you wanted?_

**I never knew where I wanted our relationship to go, but I know suddenly it changed. And I was scared of where it would go.**

_  
bye bye oooh  
find a place with the failed and forgotten_

**Where I belong for my betrayal.**

_  
bye bye oooh  
isn't that really what you wanted now?_

there is no place I can go there is no way I can hide  
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside

**Because this is all my fault.**__

there is a hate that burns within  
the most desperate place I have ever been

**I don't know how to get out of this depression, this sudden fear I feel, but I know I don't want to be around people.**

_  
try to get back to where I'm from  
the closer I get the worse it becomes  
the closer I get the worse it becomes_

**I still love you, Greg, and I wish I could tell you, but I can't do this.**__

there is no place I can go there is no place I can hide  
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside


	3. The Big Come Down

Greg POV

_there is a game I play  
try to make myself okay_

**I try to pretend that I can live without you. I carry on at work. I'm quiet. I'm cold. But I still try. Some days I can't do it, and I just go home. But it's easy to get a day off when you look like I do, because I look like I'm about to drop dead any minute. I can't eat, I can't sleep.**

_  
try so hard to make the pieces all fit  
smash it apart  
just for the fuck of it_

**Because if you can't keep it going, completely destroy it. Just leave traces of the past in people's memories.**__

bye bye oooh  
got to get back to the bottom

**That's where I've come from, that's where I'm going. Briefly you brought me back but I'm sinking back down into that pit of despair.**

_  
bye bye oooh  
the big come down isn't that what you wanted?_

**You said you couldn't. I can't either Nicky. I can't.**

_  
bye bye oooh  
find a place with the failed and forgotten_

**Find a place like me, the lowest of all.**

_  
bye bye oooh  
isn't that really what you wanted now?_

**What did you want Nicky? Why would you do that?**__

there is no place I can go there is no way I can hide  
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside

**Because in everything I see I see you. And I can't take it any more.**__

there is a hate that burns within  
the most desperate place I have ever been  
try to get back to where I'm from  
the closer I get the worse it becomes  
the closer I get the worse it becomes

**And I feel each of these memories, and even the best of them don't make me smile now. They make me want to die for what I lost.**__

there is no place I can go there is no place I can hide  
it feels like it keeps coming from the inside

**Maybe I will die for what I lost.**


	4. I'm Looking Forward to Joining You

Greg POV

_As black as the night can get  
everything is safer now_

**In my own little world of drunkenness I can't think and I can't feel.**

_  
there's always a way to forget  
once you learn to find a way how_

**I found a way. Any kind of narcotic I could get my hands on was a good start. **

Greg got up and reached for the phone. He dialled a number. He wanted to call Nick, just to ask why, but he didn't have his number.__

in the blur of serenity  
where did everything get lost?

**Why does our time together seem so short now, when then it seemed we had forever? Every day was heaven to be with you. Now every day is hell.**

_  
the flowers of naïveté  
buried in a layer of frost_

**A layer of frost that you left there. I know I used to be naïve, but I was fun. Everybody said that. Now I'm not naïve, I've seen all I ever want to. I'm not fun either. You were all of me that was good.**

_  
the smell of sunshine  
I remember sometimes  
_

**I only ever remember when I try my hardest not to. All day it's like there is a pain in my heart, but when I'm home on my own here and I try not to think of you, and all that deos is bring back the memories even stronger.**

_  
thought he had it all before they called his bluff  
found out that his skin just wasn't thick enough_

**Did I insult you? Did I hurt you? Why did you leave me here, without a word except "I can't" You know what Nick, I can't either.**

_  
wanted to go back to how it was before  
thought he lost everything  
then he lost a whole lot more_

**I thought maybe you needed me like I needed you, but I was wrong.**

Greg lit yet another cigarette and opened yet another beer. He looked slowly around him. The house felt so empty even after three months.__

a fool's devotion  
swallowed up in empty space

**The empty space in my heat shows just how devoted to you I was. You were my life, my blood, my heart. Now all I amm is a hollow bleeding sheel without nothing left without you.**

_the tears of regret  
frozen to the side of his face_

Greg wiped the tears off his face, but it was useless. Nothing would ever take away the pain.__

the smell of sunshine  
I remember sometimes

**But never when I want to.**__

I've done all I can do  
could I please come with you?

**When I want to**

_  
sweet smell of sunshine  
I remember sometimes_

**I think of you**

**And the pain tears at the very centre of my soul. Not my heart. I have no heart without you. You were the very centre of me Nicky, and I need you back.**


	5. Even Deeper

_I woke up today  
to find myself in the other place_

**I don't want to wake up here. But the other place, this empty place is the only place I can be without you.**

_  
with a trail of footprints  
from where I ran away_

**I didn't mean to run away, I didn't mean to push you. I'm sorry. Please come back Nicky.**

_  
it seems everything I've heard  
just might be true  
and you know me  
(well you think you do)_

**You knew me then. You don't know me now, because I've changed without you. And you wouldn't even recognise me now.**

_  
sometimes, I have everything - yet I wish I felt something_

**And you don't know how true this is.**__

do you know how far this has gone?  
just how damaged have I become?

**You can't see me, and for that I am so glad. I'm what you never wanted to see. I smoke, I drink and I do drugs. Damaged isn't the word for it. Destroyed. Broken. **

_  
when I think I can overcome  
it runs even deeper_

**And I've tried so many times. And always I see something that brings everything about you rushing back to me. It could just be an old piece of evidence at work, with the initial NS on the bag. Hastily written, without care. The way you seem to live your life now.**__

and in a dream I'm a different me  
with a perfect you  
we fit perfectly

**And this dream is not just a dream, Nicky. It's what we had and threw away.**

_  
and for once in my life I feel complete  
and I still want to ruin it_

**Because I can't do it Nicky. I don't know what I did, but I must have done something to make you leave me here like this.**

_  
afraid to look  
as clear as day  
this plan has long been underway_

**Afraid to look in case I see what made you go away, and I hate myself so much for whatever it was I did.**__

I hear them call  
I cannot stay  
the voice inviting me away

**Away from the pain of real life because real life hurts so much without you. So I hide in my cloud of alcohol and smoke, and here I stay.**__

do you know how far this has gone?  
just how damaged have I become?

**I don't know, Nicky. But I need you. I need you more than life.**

_  
when I think I can overcome  
it runs even deeper_

**And then I know, that you were never just a relationship. You were never just the love of my life. You were my life.**

_  
everything that matters is gone  
all the hands of hope have withdrawn  
could you try to help me hang on?  
it runs..._

**Life goes, and the will to live goes Nicky, and I need help but I've pushed everybody away and I need someone to help me. Please help me.**__

I straight  
I won't crack  
on my way  
and I can't turn back

**Or so I think, and then I see something ridiculous that reminds me of you. A fucking scuba diver on TV. Do you remember that case? When you were so convinced the helicopters had picked up the diver and dumped him in a tree. You were so cute, and it's that I need now.**

_  
I'm okay  
I'm on track  
on my way  
and I can't turn back_

**I can't turn back because when I look behind me I see you. And I can't go on because when I look forward I can't see you.**

_  
I stayed  
on this track  
gone too far  
and I can't come back_

**I'm hiding. From what I am, from what you are.**

_  
I stayed  
on this track  
lost my way  
can't come back_

**Please help me Nick. Please.**


	6. Ever Deeper

_I woke up today  
to find myself in the other place_

**Not with you, because I couldn't take it any more.**

_  
with a trail of footprints  
from where I ran away_

**And I know I ran, because I was too scared to stay.**

_  
it seems everything I've heard  
just might be true  
and you know me  
(well you think you do)_

**I thought I could trust you and live out my life with you, but maybe I had you rong. Maybe you had me wrong.**

_  
sometimes, I have everything - yet I wish I felt something_

do you know how far this has gone?  
just how damaged have I become?  
when I think I can overcome  
it runs even deeper

**I thought I could just walk out on you and get over you. I can't, I still love you, but I bury that love so deep I can't feel the pain of it any more.**__

and in a dream I'm a different me  
with a perfect you  
we fit perfectly  
and for once in my life I feel complete

**That dream is what we used to have, because I loved you. And because you loved me.**

_  
and I still want to ruin it  
afraid to look  
as clear as day  
this plan has long been underway_

**Because the one time I look properly, I see you. Not the mask. And you scare me, and I can't stay.**__

I hear them call  
I cannot stay  
the voice inviting me away

do you know how far this has gone?  
just how damaged have I become?

**Is there something wrong with me, that I can do this? Just leave you and pretend you never existed?**

_  
when I think I can overcome  
it runs even deeper_

**Maybe it's just a part of me that can't stand this. Maybe you did nothing, or maybe you did everything. I'll never know.**

_  
everything that matters is gone  
all the hands of hope have withdrawn  
could you try to help me hang on?  
it runs..._

**Because when I really stop and look, you were all that matterd.**__

I straight  
I won't crack  
on my way

**I can live without you.**

_  
and I can't turn back  
I'm okay  
I'm on track_

**And I can do this without you.**

_  
on my way  
and I can't turn back_

**Because I can do it without you**

_  
I stayed  
on this track  
gone too far  
and I can't come back_

**Because I can't turn back to you**

_  
I stayed  
on this track  
lost my way  
can't come back_

**Because I can't be in love with you.**


	7. Into the void

_Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away_

**And I can't feel what I used to be. Even I wouldn't recognise who I used to be.**

Greg got up and staggered into his bedroom. He had drunk more that he though he had. He found his jeans from last night and started rooting through the pockets. Then he returned to where he had been sat, the speaker right next to his ear.__

talking to myself all the way to the station  
pictures in my head of the final destination all lined up

With shaking hands Greg dipped a little of the fine white powder onto his hand. With a practiced ease he breathed it in, swallowing hard to get rid f the metallic taste at the back of his throat. He closed his eyes and left back, gradually feeling his whole body go numb.

**And I'm in a dream now, and I don't know where I am.**

_  
(all the one's that aren't allowed to stay)  
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away  
_

**Because I need to forget, and I was part of you, and I need to let go of that part of me.**

_  
tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches_

**But I couldn't do that. My entire body is left with the scars that you put there. Not by your own hand, but my mine, and I would never have done it if you'd been here to stop me, like you always used to be.**

_  
tried to overcome the complications and the catches  
nothing ever grows and the sun doesn't shine all day  
tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away_

**And I want to slip away now, to let everything go.**__

tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

**Just let it go.**


	8. Please

Greg POV

_this is how  
it begins  
push it away but it all comes back again_

**And the pain's too much for me, and even in my dream world of ketamine I can still feel the pain, but I can't feel physical pain and in a way the blood looks so pretty.**

**The way the light shines off the blood on my arm, in never looks like that at crime scenes.**

**It's so beautiful, and as it runs I wonder briefly why it doesn't hurt but then I remember the ket, and then I think of you and no amout of drugs in the world can stop that pain.**

_  
all the flesh  
all the sin  
there was a time when it used to mean just about everything_

**And I know that you used to mean everything to me, and I thought I meant as much to you, but I was wrong.**

**And maybe you ended up like me too, back wherever you went.**

_  
just like now_

**Maybe, just maybe, you feel this pain, but if you have, why haven't you come back to me?**__

breathe, echoing the sound  
time starts slowing down  
sink until I drown  
(please) I don't ever want to make it stop

**And I can feel the drugs working their way slowly through me, and time seems to slow down and I'm falling and sound is muffled and I'm almost asleep. I don't want to sleep here, without you, but I have to, because there is no you.**__

and it keeps repeating  
will you please complete me?

**I need you to be here with me.**__

never be enough  
to fill me up

**Falling with me**__

watch the white  
turn to red

**And I know I'm so drugged I can't think straight, but I know the only thing I need is you.**

_  
it fills up the hole but it grows somewhere else instead  
all my life_

**And that's all the drugs can do, the ketamine, the cocaine, weed, acid. Whatever. They fil the hole you left.**

_  
yeah yeah yeah yeah, but it just left me dead  
(well guess what?)  
the world is over and I realize it was all in my head_

**And maybe it was all in my head, everything we had. Maybe I never meant anything to you.**__

now everything is clear  
I erase the fear  
I can disappear  
(please) I don't ever want to make it stop

**This flying, watching the blood flow from yet another cut that I will never feel, because if it hurts tomorrow the hurt I feel from you will drown it out and I won't notice.**__

you can never leave me  
will you please complete me  


**Please?**

_  
never be enough  
to fill me up_

**I need you here.**

Greg slid the rest of the way down the wall and sat in a half asleep, drunken, drugged stupor.


	9. Somewhat Damaged

Greg POV

Greg woke up slowly. The CD was still playing, so he couldn't have passed out for long. But he couldn't feel the ketamine now. He could only feel Nick.

_So impressed with all you do  
tried so hard to be like you_

**Because you were so strong, and I wanted to be able to be like that, but I was so weak.**

Greg lit yet another cigarette. He didn't know how many he'd smoked or how many were left. He didn't have to work tomorrow. He could get as screwed up as he wanted to. And if he wore a long sleeved shirt on Monday, nobody would notice the cuts. They never did.

_  
Flew too high and burnt the wing  
lost my faith in everything_

**I lost my faith in love and meaning. I lost my faith in friendship.**__

lick around divine debris  
taste the wealth of hate in me

**And all the hate is for myself, because I still love you, but I wish I wasn't here.**

_  
shedding skin succumb defeat  
this machine is obsolete_

**And I feel like I can't go on any more.**__

made the choice to go away  
drink the fountain of decay  
tear a hole exquisite red  
fuck the rest and stab it dead

**And I'll keep doing this. Flirting and toying with death, until one day maybe I'll slip or maybe the knife will be sharper that I thought it was and I'll cut so deep I can leave this life. **__

broken bruised forgotten sore  
too fucked up to care anymore

**I want to die Nicky. This is where you've left me. Broken and bleeding, in more ways than one.**

_  
poisoned to my rotten core  
too fucked up to care anymore_

**I never cared about myself until I fell in love with you. So fantastically in love I forgot how much I despised myself, and I stopped having to pretend and I really was that fun, exuberant lab tech. And I loved that time.**__

in the back off the side far away is a place where I hide where I  
stay tried to say tried to ask I needed to all alone by myself where were you?  
how could I ever think it's funny how everything that  
swore it wouldn't change is different now just like you

**It is different now. I don't even try any more.**

_  
Would always say we'll make it through then my head fell apart and where were you?_

**You left me here.**

_  
how could I ever think it's funny how everything you swore would  
never change is different now like you said you and me make it  
through didn't quite fell apart where the fuck were you?_

**You were somewhere else and I'm here alone and bleeding and I want to die, Nick. That's what you've done to me. And I hope you feel even half the pain I do, because maybe then you'll come back.**


	10. My Way out is Through

Nick's POV

_all I've undergone  
I will keep on_

**I will forget you**__

underneath it all  
we feel so small

**I won't put either of us through the fear ever again.**

_  
the heavens fall  
but still we crawl_

**I'm afraid that if I talk to you I won't be able to stop. I still love you.**__

all I've undergone  
I will keep on

**I will forget you**


	11. The Day the World Went Away

Greg POV

_I'd listen to the words he'd say  
but in his voice I heard decay_

**I knew it was failing. I knew there was something wrong with us, even if I didn't know what it was.**

Greg went to get another beer, but there were none left. Instead he found the vodka that he had put at the back of the fridge. He got it out and drank a little out of the bottle.

_  
the plastic face forced to portray  
all the insides left cold and gray_

**Our last weeks together were all a lie. Every time you said you loved me you lied, and I wish I knew why.**

_  
there is a place that still remains  
it eats the fear it eats the pain_

**But I wish I could find this place. I need to go there, to forget about you, just for one glorious minute.**

_  
the sweetest price he'll have to pay  
the day the whole world went away_

**And I'd pay any price at all, but I don't know what for. I don't know if I want you back or if I want to forget you. I just don't want this.**


	12. The Way out is Through

Greg POV

_all I've undergone  
I will keep on_

**And I'll live in hope that you'll comeback to me.**

Almost all of the vodka was gone now. Greg didn't think he'd ever been this drunk.__

underneath it all  
we feel so small

**You made me stand up for what I wanted Nicky. You made me feel like I could do anything I wanted to do. I wanted to be a CSI, and you helped be do it.**

_  
the heavens fall  
but still we crawl_

**And you're not here with me**__

all I've undergone  
I will keep on

**And I'll live in hope you'll come back for me.**


	13. The Day My World Went Away

Nick POV

_I'd listen to the words he'd say  
but in his voice I heard decay_

**I think he new that there was something wrong in those final weeks. I didn't know how to tell him I was scared of what would happen to us.**

_  
The plastic face forced to portray  
all the insides left cold and grey_

**I felt cold with fear all the time. I was afraid you'd want to leave me, I was afraid something would happen to one of us, so I left, so neither of us never had to feel that. Because this will, hurt but not for long, then we will be free to live our life again.**

_  
There is a place that still remains  
it eats the fear it eats the pain_

**And when I don't think of you every day I'll find this place. Listening to your music probably doesn't help, but it's all have left of you that isn't just a memory.**

_  
the sweetest price he'll have to pay  
the day the whole world went away_


	14. Interlude

A/N: Bit of a random chapter here, since I've decided to actually have a story rather that just a series of sequential songfics.

Warrick picked up the phone. He had been trying to get hold of Greg for hours. He was on call, and they had a triple homicide in a club on the Strip. A whole nightclub full of witnesses or suspects, and only He and Catherine were in. He hung up and redialled the number.

"'Lo?" Warrick could hear music, and Greg sounded drunk.

"Sanders! Where the hell are you?"

"I'm at home."

"You're on call tonight! We need you in here."

"I don't think I can work."

"What? You're on call Sanders! You can't just say you can't work"

"I don' know Warrick. My arm hurts. And my mouth tastes funny." Greg's voice suddenly had the qualities of a whining child.

Warrick sighed. He knew Greg was having a hard time, and having a go at him wasn't making it any easier, but he was already on his last warning. He would lose his job for this. "Greg, you're going to lose your job if you carry on like this."

"Fine then. I'll have coffee, and can you pick me up?"

"Yeah, I guess." Warrick sighed, resigned. "I'll be there in ten." He hung up. "Hey, Catherine! I'm gonna pick Sanders up. We'll meet you at the scene." Catherine nodded.

Warrick drove slowly over to Greg's to give him time to wake up. Or sober up. He honestly didn't think Greg should work, as drunk as he sounded, but he didn't want the guy to lose his job. When he got there he hammered on Greg's door.

"Come in!" Greg yelled. Warrick let himself in, and followed the sound of Greg's voice into the kitchen. "H'lo." Greg muttered. He was facing away from Warrick, leaning over the kitchen sink. "C'n you give me a minute?"

"Yeah. I'll be in the living room."

Warrick shut the kitchen door behind him and sat on the sofa. He looked around the dark room. He could hear Greg throwing up in the kitchen and winced. He shouldn't be working. Warrick wandered over to the CD player, just out of idle curiosity.

He saw something he saw frequently at work. He knew Sanders was screwed up, but he didn't think he was that bad. Warrick dipped a finger into the white powder and tasted it. Ketamine. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. It was there, leaning down, he noticed the blood.

He slammed the kitchen door open. "Greg, what the hell are you doing?"

Greg ignored him. "Warrick, my arm won't stop bleeding. It hurts." Greg sounded like he was on the verge of passing out.

"Greg, show me your arm." Warrick didn't think he had been this angry in a long time. He was angry with Greg, for being so stupid, but mostly Nick, for leaving him like this.

Greg held out his arm, still holding his hand over the inside of his wrist. Warrick could see blood running out slowly, which was reassuring. It would have been faster if he'd hit an artery. He pulled Greg's hand slowly away and winced.

"Greg, you're going to hospital."

"I don't want to."

"I can see the tendons in your wrist Greg. How much have you drunk?"

"Everything." Greg shut his eyes.

"Everything?"

"Lots of beer and a bottle of vodka."

"Shit." Warrick muttered. "How much of this did you do?" He showed Greg the ketamine from his pocket.

"You're not supposed to see that." Greg said. Warrick just glared at him. "Only a little bit."

"Right, come on." Warrick put his arm around Greg's shoulders since he seemed to be having trouble standing up. Warrick wasn't surprised.

When Warrick had managed to get Greg into the car he called Catherine. "Can you deal without me for a bit?"

"Warrick? You went to get Greg because we could deal with this case together!"

"Yeah. I think Sanders would be more of a problem than a help right now. I'm getting him to hospital."

"What? Why?"

"You want the whole list?"

"Warrick!" Catherine sounded worried now.

"He's drunk about eight pints of beer and a bottle of vodka."

"What?"

"I haven't finished yet. I'd say about half a gram of ketamine."

"Are we talking about the same Greg? Quiet guy, used to be really loud, went out with Nick."

"And Nick fucked off and left him a screw up, yeah. And I still hadn't finished. I don't know if it's self harm or attempted suicide, but he's bleeding all over my car."

"What? What the hell are you doing talking? Get him to the hospital!"

"I tried! You kept interrupting me. See you later."

"I'll meet you at the hospital."

"Uh, hello? Quadruple homicide?"

"Dayshift can take it. It's almost the end of our shift anyway."

"OK, I'll see you there."

Warrick drove Greg to the hospital. Greg sat next to him listlessly, almost unconscious. Warrick helped him out of the car and into the ER, where Catherine was waiting for them.

She looked at Greg. "God, Greg. What's happened to you?" She asked. "You used to be so bright and fun."

"I love him Catherine. Why did he go?"

"I don't know Greg. Come on, lets get you a doctor."

"I'm gonna lose my job Cath. I want to go find Nicky, but he didn't tell me where he went."

Catherine helped Warrick get Greg into the room. They managed to get Greg on the bed, which mostly involved Warrick lifting him up and putting him on it. "Greg, you're far too light." He said. But Greg ignored him. He was staring past him, tears running down his face.

When he spoke, he seemed much more sober than before. "I really did love him. I need him. I don't understand why he left, but I need him."

Catherine laid a hand on Greg's shoulder. "It'll be alright. I'll find a way to get hole of him for you."

"Thanks Catherine. But I don't think he wants to talk to me."

"You never know."


	15. La Mer

Nick POV

_and when the day arrives  
I'll become the sky  
and I'll become the sea  
_

**And when that day arrives I'll be there for you. I'll come back to you. Because I won't be scared any more.**

_  
and the sea will come to kiss me  
for I am going home  
_

**Home to you, the one who I needed before and still do, no matter how much I try to ignore it.**

_  
nothing can stop me now_

**Because I'm coming back to you.**

Nick made his decision. He would find Greg, and he would sort this out. He had hidden from himself for long enough.


	16. Returning

OK, hey guys. Sorry it has taken me so long to update. I was quite drunk when I wrote the first 15 chapters of this, and I know they're rushed and full of mistakes. I will go through and rewrite this one day. I also don't remember writing most of it. Oops. Anyway, I'm still not certain where I should go with this, but I'm going to try anyway. Not a songfic chapter this time. I don't think there will be many more of those. And this is quite a long chapter. I'm impressed with myself. If you notice any mistakes, just let me know. I have to rewrite most of this fic anyway, and my keyboard's screwed.

* * *

Nick got in his car and drove, started driving and kept driving. He knew it had been dark when he left, and he knew it was light now, but he had no idea how long he had been driving for. There were signs for Vegas now. It was twenty miles away.

It took him less than twenty minutes to get to Vegas, but he didn't know where to go. He could go to the lab, where Greg would have finished his shift, but he could get an address. He didn't think Greg would still be living in their old apartment.

In the end he called Warrick, who answered after a few minutes.

"Yeah?" He sounded exhausted, and Nick realised he would have been working all night.

"It's me." There was a click. He blinked in surprise. Warrick had hung up on him. He tried Catherine, who answered more professionally.

"Willows."

"Hey Cath. It's Nick."

"Yeah. I know." Her voice was suddenly as cold as he had ever heard it, but at least she didn't hang up. "What do you want Nick?"

"Uh..." In the face of her sudden fury he completely forgot what he wanted to say. "I wanted to see Greg."

"No."

"What?" He was shocked.

"No. We're not letting you near him."

"Catherine, what the hell are you talking about?"

"You obviously have no idea how badly you've screwed him up. Maybe you should go back to wherever you went and leave the poor guy alone. What do you have left to say to him?"

"I want to get back with him. I'm sorry I left him."

"Sorry? You're sorry? Do you know how little that makes up for what you did? A word. One single word and everything's ok again? No Nick, not now. Maybe you should see him before you try saying that again."

"Cath, please. I never meant to hurt him. I just needed to get away, sort things out."

"You never meant to hurt him? He's staying at Warrick's place. I'll call and tell him not to shut the door in your face, but that's the best I can do."

"Why's he at Warrick's?" Nick asked, confused.

"Maybe you should see for yourself."

Catherine deliberately left out any details of what Greg had done. She wanted the first knowledge to shock Nick, shock him into seeing exactly what he had done. She phoned Warrick, to tell him to expect Nick.

When Nick arrived at Warrick's apartment he was sat outside, by the front door.

The second Nick got out of his car Warrick marched up to him. "What are you doing?" He demanded.

"I wanted to see Greg."

"He probably wants to see you too. It just isn't good for him. You're not good for him."

"Why's he staying with you?"

"Because Cath was too scared for him to leave him alone."

"What?"

"Maybe you should see what you did for yourself. Wait here."

Warrick went back in, and knocked on the door of the spare bedroom. "Greg? Nick's here."

Greg opened the door so fast Warrick flinched backwards, even though it opened away from him. "What? What's he doing here? Why?"

"He wants to see you. If you don't want to see him I'll get him out."

Greg looked panicked. "I do. I want to see him. But I'm scared. I don't know what I should do. I just think-" He hesitated. "I don't want to be hopeful, but I can't help myself. I just don't want him to reject me again."

"I can't make any promises. Do you want to see him?"

"I really don't know."

"I can tell him to come back later." Warrick offered.

"No, I'll just worry about it all day. I'll- I'll talk to him."

Warrick nodded, motioning for Greg to follow him into the living room. Warrick disappeared outside, and Greg knew he was talking to Nick. He came back, he thought to himself, almost in a daze. He came back.

Greg was so scared of Nick pushing him away again he considered going back and locking himself in his room.

Before he could make up his mind Nick was in there. Nick was less than six feet away from him. He didn't know what to do.

"Hey." Nick said, trying to be friendly.

Greg attempted a smile, but it didn't really work. "Hi." He whispered.

"How are you?"

"Fine." Greg lied.

"What's that from?" Nick nodded towards the bandage on his arm.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter."

"Why are you staying with Rick?"

"Cath made me. After I got back from hospital, she wouldn't let me go home." Shit, he hadn't meant to say that.

"You were in hospital?"

Greg just nodded. Warrick stepped in. Greg had almost forgotten he was there. "Tell him the whole story." He said to Greg. "He deserves to know what he did to you." Greg knew that Warrick didn't mean deserving in a good way, he meant that Nick should suffer like he had.

"No."Greg said.

"You know if you don't tell him, Cath or I will. And only you know the whole story."

"I-I can't. I'm sorry."

"I'll help." Warrick was trying to go easy on Greg, but he was furious with Nick, for thinking he could just come back and it would be alright, angry with Greg for refusing to tell the whole story.

Warrick took Greg's left arm in a firm hold and undid the bandage on top of the stitches. He could feel Greg shaking, but Nick had to know.

"Look familiar?" He asked Nick, sarcastically. They had both worked scenes where vics had died from similar cuts.

"Greg? Did you do that to yourself?"

Greg just shrugged, and didn't answer for a few seconds. "Didn't hurt."

Nick looked at him, incredulously. "You wanna know why it didn't hurt him?" Warrick asked. Nick just looked at him. Warrick dug into his back pocket. What he pulled out made him look like a drug dealer. Greg recognized the blood-spattered wrap of ketamine he had had used the night Warrick had come over to his. Warrick had also gone through his apartment at some point, since Greg cringed at what he saw there.

Warrick handed the drugs to Nick, one by one, naming them unnecessarily, just to prove his point.

"Ketamine, and yes that is blood." Warrick half threw the wrap at Nick, who caught it, astonished.

"Cocaine."

"Speed. Acid. Weed."

Nick was left stood there, his expression shocked, his hands full of Greg's drugs.

"Oh, and did I mention he's an alcoholic? Well done Nick, you left a perfect relationship and turned you boyfriend into a smoking, suicidal, self-harming, alcoholic junkie."

Greg felt tears in his eyes. When Warrick put it like that it sounded worse than it had felt. Nick also had tears in his eyes. "I'm- I'm sorry Greg." He stuttered. "I should go."

"Yeah." Warrick agreed.

"I'll come see you in a few days." Nick said. Warrick just shrugged, and Greg still hadn't moved.

Nick reached the door. Just as he was about to leave, he turned back. "I still loved you. I still do." And with that he was gone. Greg fell onto the sofa, tears running down his face.

Warrick stared helplessly at him, completely clueless about how he could help.


End file.
